NormalAbby

fresh after the rain

2012-01-13T21:17:00.000+02:00

locked in my own home, can not get out nor let anyone in. (Motor gate off its hinge; side door handle in hand; other side of door handle in my hand this evening)

mmm, the year past in brief. finding out that I went to dark places on to put the lights back on.

how brown, how brown. fretfully my last bloggs have just been blurbs and snippets of things and not the complete stories nor even the truths that would allow anyone to know what is going on. keeping every thing in some form of a riddle or other. looking back on things, I made it more complicated by intertwining everything.

tis evening the procrastination may be ;) the year ahead, will have to be letting go of things and cutting cords. even though some things so hurt. yet there is no moving forward without releasing any things anchoring/restraining forward motion

i forgive myself for not been grown enough to not do doh things at times. been haunted inadvertently by optimism and hope.

to fly free and be spontaneous.

some where I will write some sense for the common reader besides myself.

stupid, he will never come back. he does not even want to know you so stop freaking torturing yourself been the optimist. sigh. i do miss him so. them smarties did make me feel better and I do not have any now.

everythig and nothing

2011-10-29T11:47:00.001+02:00

sometimes, it is that click, that has to occur before anything else happens. once that has transpired then all else follows through

blimey, finally i get a few moments to actually write a blog for once instead of this, uhm, whatever, and I am needed again

in short, business is doing amazingly well, kids fantastic, my biggest joy and pleasure in life., so here goes back to working very hard

smiles

2011-09-24T13:37:00.000+02:00

I have not smiled this much in ages. this is to no volition of any other than myself. the naughty smirk, the true giggle of enjoyment. just been able to smile and allow the joy and happiness to cores through me.

Out of the strangest of places did this true happiness come about. how blissful it has been to be single and more importantly a complete person. inner harmony and peace.

i think the corset with the riding crop is just what i will wear this evening, turn some heads and why not, I have lost enough weight and regaining every fiber of my own being.

se la vie

spring is here

2011-09-05T19:45:00.001+02:00

and the regular spring cleaning has been under way.

travels have been close and far, yet always a home to stay in.

motion occurs through the appreciation of great things.

drumming, acquisitions, status change, pages written, crops planets/harvested, peace, acceptance

how easily it is to slip into meditation whilst, chopping wood and caring water. the water we consume is not as easy as opening a tap and drinking it. you need to collect it from its source, clean it, as the source is long gone from been pure. purification to drinkable state take 12 to 24 hours depending on the source. the preparation is to keep at least minimum two days water on hand. not forgetting you can only carry so much, adding to the communal water source at the same time for cattle and vegetation.

gathering wood is also another boggle. now that winter is passed and trees have been feld, then there will not be enough to gather naturally and chopping a tree or two down is needed. this would fuel the stove/ovens, donkeys burning for hygiene, and only at night so that heat source is not lost and warms up the lounge area. meaning sowers get done at night. not excluding washing of clothes with organic soaps as the water goes back into the land, as all grey water goes

much time to reflect when there is only space around you and your survival depends on what amount of work you put in and are then able to reap. The hammock was on the second day, the fourth hammock was by the seventh day. following the shade is crucial when it is 36 plus in the shade. as per some scientist/psychologist person, my watching the animals you are then able to survive in any surroundings, not the later of that, you can asses people into categories, the my version is more apt when living off the land.

the past is the past. it only make who you are now a better person if you can accept all of yourself. them errs, no regrets, some giggles, apologies for any embarrassing things. love light and many blessings. what a fantastic sunset ;o)

here; there and everywhere

2011-07-20T13:29:00.002+02:00

one of those days that are incredible, much time to appreciate the amazing things in life. even if them tings are as simple as enjoying a cuppa tea in the sunshine, watching the dogs lazily spread out on the grass.

and to enjoy the freedom of been responsible for myself.

bwahhahahahahahaha

2011-06-04T09:18:00.002+02:00

peace man, just chill and relax.

watching the sun defrost the ice off the plants. how they begin there day to warming up and stretching. steaming cup and blanket over the shoulders. the wilderness. what a beautiful place.

a day filled with much adventure and the rest of the flowers will begin to bud and then flower. yippie the flowers whom bring upon the butterfiles.

i hear rustling ... time to go investigate

bliss

2011-05-19T06:16:00.002+02:00

okay, so yeah, it was one heleva dark place i was in and it had no warmth. loosing a child is debilitating to the soul. you should never have to bury your own children. I have buried enough. Their is just good memories for my children, yet I live for myself and the T's that are living bring me the most amazing happiness anyone could ask for. Enshala

This space is my space, I was scared to write here because I knew smarties would check, and stuff it, this is my space, i am no longer living my life in fear, nor am i scared they read something. sad how they are insipid and think by checking my blogg that they have an incling on what and how things are. inadvertently they may know my mood, they do not know me

blessed I am for the journey undertaken, the release of the ego and the intake of love and harmony. nor do I choose to play games as that only demeans my person and waists time that could have been spent in the state of acceptance. reminds self of the mantra given, every day in every way I get better and better. boy have I gotten better.

I do miss those whom have crossed my life path and no longer have tea with me, yet we each journey and no two journeys are the same, some journeys align so that we can share experiences, then part so we can learn more.

working again is incredible, the staff are always testing to see how they can break a system, any hows, that is the minor part of the bigger picture of how it works, the challenges are rewarding and humbling to be able to provide work for others in these dire times of need.

may you be blessed with love light and joy.

shambang

2011-04-02T17:30:00.002+02:00

blush, wow, I hadn't blushed so hard in ages. I could say what allot I got, nope, I don't have any smarties. the mind runs around in circles, and the voice croaks. What a litany I have written yet the feeling of the sun then warming that spot before it it is swept away in a beautiful sunset. my head is bowed in humility, my heart aches for your touch. the feel of your skin ... sending shivers down my spine. my heart pound in anticipation and i still don't have any smarties, how i know each and every colour of the whole smarties box will make me feel complete. ..............................

joy

2011-03-07T06:51:00.002+02:00

finally things are coming together and the sun does always shine, depends if you want it in your face or on your back.
things happen for reasons and then we realise much later once we have (if) been able to let the emotions go, what those reasons are for, and this is the thing, I know, I have known and would not accept as I was hurt, mad, infuriated and much much more than anything, I would not see. Now, i do see, and for those whom have tumbled in the hurricane, i apologise, yet those whom have batted down the hatches and are continuing this remarkable journey with me, thank you, it is never ending yet this leg of the trip is amazing to be able to take stock.
love light and blessings

sensibility

2011-01-03T06:08:00.002+02:00

smoke signals, not invisibility, unless it is overcast or full fog, thus carrier pigeons are used.
no masks or illusions
minimal ... this and that .....
more me time, me time and again me time
peace, blessings and goodwill

;o)~

2010-12-30T22:07:00.001+02:00

what a year and another anhead
blessed I am
the sun shines, birds sing, and I am blessed

silly season

2010-12-18T07:05:00.001+02:00

lady of the night lady of the night

enzoy

celebrations

2010-11-06T10:05:00.002+02:00

so many of these in these times, yet most are confounded by some inappropriate religious order whom has no respect for other orders.

le sigh ......

as in our order thus we celebrate all year round, as we pay homage to all

and each month as a blessing of life to rejoice about, weather present or not

safety, consideration and much thought before action

2010-10-28T21:25:00.002+02:00

time flies when you keep yourself busy and not interested in the woes of others.

soon the time under a blessed rainbow will give much more than is less, and all the colours will harmonies with everything else

those whom do not attribute will be lost, as hanging around for any one person to do as they say i relentlessly tiresome and not worth the edge given, so setting oneself free we get to go out and be ourselves

;o)

onsolo

2010-09-21T05:17:00.002+02:00

as time ebbs, so do the tides change, choices become more defined. Nothing defines change as much as the seasons do, or even the sun rising and setting.

the past is the past, connections to the past are irrelevant, yet the present also becomes relentless to making the future a past before it has even been experianced.

false promises, lack of commitment and dishonesty, or is it, the forever hopefull that the truth would just be spoken as that is believed to be the norm.

... .... .....

walking with the sun on your back, having the rays heat through

...

quality and quantity controll

2010-08-03T08:36:00.002+02:00

so yes, we shop at woolworths only for certain items, one of them been bread, and well, theirs is a whole load better than many other stores and well after yesterday, I am still dumbfounded at how no one is checking or willing to take responsibility for quality of products.

when bringing to the attention of the store manager firstly that most of the loaves where burnt, he said he would report it. Okay that is wonderful, why don't you take my details to let me know as a valued customer that the matter is going to be sorted out. Secondly, the bread went on diet, you paying the same price for 15%less. I kid you not, as you will see through the pictures taken, the bread on the left we got on the weekend, the bread on the right is what was bought on Monday. Both state they are 700g, I think not.

in lieu of this, we may as well begin baking our own bread, as then we will ensure quality and quantity control of our product.

Mielie Meal Biscuts

2010-06-13T09:50:00.002+02:00

yeah, that is it, our staple food can be a delicious snack

Ingredients

180g butter

1 cup sugar

5ml lemon essence

2 eggs

1 pinch salt

10ml baking powder

1 cup flour

375ml meilie meal

method

preheat oven at 180C
cream butter and sugar
add essence and eggs and mix
add dry ingredients
using teaspoon full roll into balls and place on greased baking sheet
flatten with a fork
bake for 20 min or until golden brown

additional option - you can add half a cup of coconut to mixture

the sands of time

2010-06-13T09:43:00.002+02:00

well little joy can be derived out of a defunct genetic connection. once was a shining star now just an ember, never the less, it is a blessing to be able to walk away and rise from the ashes a phoenix.

with all an all happening, it has been encouraging to be embarking on this journey of love, respect and truth, pity the lack of genetics is in great question.

oh well, as we toddle off to see a maker, we clear the path of lies deceit and trepidation.

heck it is lonely, yet the peace is what makes the path pleasurable and welcoming to take ;o)

....

2010-04-20T21:49:00.001+02:00

it has been a busy busy time, very very busy indeed, now back to feeding, cleaning and just been me, and that means a whole other kettle of things

vicariousness

2010-02-23T00:30:00.002+02:00

loads to say, nothing to actually write ... age is a becoming thing, it blossoms as maturity settles in and you realise how not old you are

;)

arrugggha

2010-01-30T06:53:00.002+02:00

and as the new year has begun on somewhat of an uplifting note, so did it also have as much grief and pain coupled into it. here are such polar emotions they are unbelievable for most to comprehend, yet you are never given more than you can handle. this again i ask, do i have to always need to be required to handle so much?

we welcomed TAO into our lives whom is still under picu care and said good by to TJ at the same time. both are angels and cherished. not with standing, we TAV is been reunited after years of a debauched system to say the least, and low and beholden, as I have requested everything in writing, suddenly the mocking birds try to sing another song.

shakes head in disbelief at how sad it is, that some think that their feeble attempts at retribution will sporadically be accepted and all forgiven. uhm, well not and nope and never can it be done on their terms, the trust was broken so long ago and it is not even water under a bridge, it has become a cesspool of lies and sludge dragging sewerage. sadly, without honesty, complete acceptance of responsibility notwithstanding acceptance that these things do not just become healed over night or a wave of a magical wand. the proof is in the pudding and only through much trial and full honest participation, can something be done to begin, allowing bygones be bygones.

much and many new adventures have begun, many left behind as paths have taken on such different directions to maybe cross again one day or be grateful that the crossed and the experiences were good lessons in the least.

signing off to adore my collection of agricultural beasts an the menagerie of pets. interesting how dear friends have proven, even if you can not choose your family, you can have friend whom will take the place and be even closer than you own dysfunctional debauched excuse of a family.

Truth

2009-11-20T16:41:00.001+02:00

RIP Veritas, so sad you gone, going to miss ya billions and millions, loved ya kitty ;o(

Reasons I do not Blogg as much

2009-11-06T06:59:00.002+02:00

complete bed rest and building cottage and repairing house is more than enough time consumation on my part ;o)

I am around, Jusat not here

2009-10-21T20:23:00.002+02:00

been ages, yet the slight guilt is made to fly away with the knowledge, not doing this mean i am doing other things

maybe nots, it may include a form of laziness here an there for writing, in blue copy, the green and a red copy - who stole the copy paper

should you need to find me I am at www.yamato.co.za for lunch every day and on building sites. besides seeing patients, gardening and all else

taking a different glance at life and a new stance to all things that could make me more so insane, it has been a pleasant bliss

yet i do need to spend time with pals in cape town, as it is not just a week or two, it shall take a week with each and i can see four five six months gone

to end off, i just say earning a salary slip (even if I have to pay self) is like porn, the reality set in and poof it is all gone and then you have to slog it off again to make more

blessed, even if bed ridden half the time and plotting as many diabolical things - anyone interested?

Preservation

2009-08-11T23:25:00.002+02:00

Amazing how we do disconnect from everything around ourselves and hope to all ends that it is not so.

Tired of deluding self that I am loved or ever will be, how sad it is that a man can marry you only because he likes you. Is this so he can fill his ego for some perverse reason or is it that he feels he can attain free copulation at any whimsical turn and call. How can someone marry you if they do not love you or are in love with you.

Time is now evident that all it is that happens is been used and abused by so many for their own benefits and gain. No consideration for the other or care.

What is it that I require, unconditional love, affection, appreciation, respect and consideration.

Am I doomed to have no love in my life, more likely if it came into my life I would run and hide away from it as I am so unaccustomed to even been loved or having affection shown towards myself.

Torture and suffering, pain and anguish, those I will conquer and face even in a darkened alley. How do I continue to stay with a man that has no love for me, nor did when we re-married, why does he use me for his own egotistical purpose into gaining what he requires.

No longer is there anything to give or pass on, been bankrupt on all levels is astonishing that even in this state, others want to take and take.

One day shortly, I shall be able to smile again through my own happiness, currently I am healing from the wounds of my inners been ripped out, stomped on and blitzed into a billion peaces, then shoved back in reverse to a tireless body, that does have one thing to live for, and it is personal.

as much as it pains, and aches, to move on and away is the only possible means, this time I can not forgive to be better, I can forgive the ignorance, yet to protect my self is to walk far far away, and never to look back. Oh no doubt been hospitable can be done, why not for a child living and one on its way, yet I my self need to leave, or I can not be held responsible for what any of the outcome or actions will be when I finally fight back so hard, I can not be without my children, nor do I choose to be.

Enshala, Amitovo
returning to silence, as these long moments help me regain insight into all the deceit and dishonesty that is constantly attempted to be spun around me.

time

2009-08-03T00:16:00.002+02:00

... it is an essence, yet I have none rather not much of that at the moment ...

surely having my DEAD lines over due, by tomb would read, in some length it took, rather the vultures of ego fringed minuscule minded horrors plague the conscious of the vividly awakened day dreaming that is perpetual unto the misery a glimmer of joy provides that no excitement is permited to be expected or anticipated with sheer knowledge of disappointment that will follow should anything

anything
the sleights dash of joy bring

... then the door of Hades opens and swallows any conceivable happiness

trod and trudge gaining time back so a ray can be experienced ....

Appreciating

2009-07-06T18:58:00.005+02:00

It is amusing at how with the Dr's only giving me such a short space of time, have I realized and come to believe it is a short space of time. How do I measure my time? Well, firstly in one day all my achievements and accomplishments, leave no time to actually blog or write up notes of the events, nor do I take the time to do that as all fate would have been six years of writing was lost through a glitch in my system, so I spend that time kinda rewriting that information.

Sobriety has gifted me many things, loving husband, gorgeous daughter and most of all been able to wake up saying good morning god, instead of god its morning. Thinking i could drink away my disease only gave me another and have found working through a fellowship of the 12 steps has proven miraculous in the least, I have no desire nor craving to drink, live my life honestly, and freak the behibijeabies out of others when I prefer the quiet simplicity to all the flashy and fancy bling that I had, and do still have some of in my life.

It is six months since I was diagnosed and am still strong and very happy. Each day I create my own happiness and destiny and give something to the needy. So, whence I am told how do you do it, well it would be just plain old boring to go to work, and then home, on my way to work, I stop and smell the flowers, giggle at funny things, say my thanks and groan if i am unhappy (not aloud) and take pride and responsibility - now that is astonishing, you would learn much greatness in been completely honest even if it offended someone else, as many can pick up cover ups and lies, yet we try to dismiss them as indigestion and other things, only lying to ourselves. Taking that responsibility does not mean the world war was your fault, No. Yet showing you have pride and ownership for your involvement is a remarkable quality most miss out on in life.

So I considered putting up a few pics of whats been up recently, just have not much time and living each moment to its fullest as i always have. Not only been around my block many a time, it has been other peoples blocks too. Tends to be my days can be a person life time, adventure, mystery and much much more ....
Enzoy

time passes

2009-05-31T08:49:00.002+02:00

As the old adage goes, time flies when you having fun. This I could agree with, yet not all has been fun yet major learning curve in all fields. Keep promising self that I shall blog more often, yet the time for that is long passed and each moment is dedicated to everything else that is happening around me.

I have been playing loads of live poker, preparing for the huge international tourney in July 2009 - sheish, have to get some characteristics sodded out of me first, and learnt never to play hungry, the rest of the emotional factors do not bother my game, so it is the hunger that is most important. As I no longer drink any alcohol, it is not a problem to me as I am sober for all games, and we all still laugh at how crazy I was to play in those strange times, yet I have won a many game that way, and gives that up to sheer drunkenness.

One darn silly court case is taking its merry old time and dragging out, thus I am waiting for it to finish up, my life is immensely unproductive on these days and I sit wondering when the person will get a life and stop waisting my time.

the writing has been very productive, busy going through the movie script and that shall shortly be done and in production, so I can not wait, very excited about this occurrence. Needing to employ some on for research purposes, as oh, yeah - it is taking up the majority of my time, and it is irresistible to read everything and fill the brain with bubblegum.

Days such as these I miss my twin dearly, she had such a different kick and sense of humour to life, not serious and business as I am. If she were with me, she would be saying I told you so, as I have the same cancer she does and sadly watched her go in much pain and agony when all her faculties left. I do not have much time as we know how fast it takes us or maybe I do (disillusionment). Everyday I make the best of what I have and correct all in the past, yet some do not think this is necessary and are allowing their ego's to rule their lives as to what they say and their actions are completely opposite - not my issues, they are yours, you have an opportunity to set things right, or you shall forever - oh, shame, i should have done that or said that.

Occupational Therapy with 25 children each day was in the onset very tyring, yet now it is so rewarding and fulfilling that it is the most important thing to my whole day. The improvements and results are insurmountable and the most amazing smiles I get each day, carry me through some tough times. Nice to use my qualifications to good use. Running spiritual meetings has also been a wonderment and rewarding, sharing knowledge and means to simpler life is so beneficial to all and myself. I enjoy these and attend one each evening with many like minded people, whom are not their to preach, yet share experiences and discuss what has worked and what does not work for for them.

Enshala Jahier, may you be blessed with out the use of your ego, that equals your fear, and accept the changing ways of the world, with an open heart and understanding for you to be understood is to first understand. Time is short and now is the time to make amends to all.

as the days roll on

2009-04-21T07:36:00.002+02:00

Yesterday was awesome, can not top that off, so I shall wait until tomorrow.

Amazed my chef skills still come in handy and having been made a public spectacle of, not that bad to get the gratitude for what I have done. Most times shy away from everything, yet currently it is inspiring.

Yeses, to doing my life share, only gave a minimal fraction of an account to my life and what is helping me through these tough/trying times. The room was stunned to silence and also so many people had tears in their eyes. It was from the heart and the truth, and came out as is. It is hard to tell others, but am at the same time alleviated of the burden of keeping it silent. Appreciate all the support and those that came to listen, wow, if I say so myself.

All projects progressing on and my writing seems to have an amazing clarity in all forms, just the research is getting me down, and that is why I know so much should you have been wondering, self educated.

Just a heads up, Iam not off on some crazy daisy mission again, just missioning to get everything in order for my wake, sadly it is soon, yet each day I appreciate more and accept the things that have occurred and are occurring.

Live life on life's terms, change those things you can, and never let anyone take your power of happiness away from you as only you can create your own happiness.

PLOM

2009-04-15T08:10:00.001+02:00

PLOM; i poveri piccoli vecchi me; 貧しい小さい古いこと私; Arm klein alt mich; 可憐的小老人我; pobre pequeno velho me - making final videos SUCKS, SUCKS; sobs it is so real now ;o(

with only a year and a half left to live, I have been so busy getting those inevitable last things done, thus not many posts as I do not want to sadden many as I am saddened

enzoy the day, it is winter here and sleeping in the lappa has become cold, but having big boogie bear keeps me warm

a brief on how my day occured 09-04-09

2009-04-09T08:23:00.000+02:00

wake up
coffee
prepare doggies food
logonto pc
coffee
e-mails, and updates
live chats
breakfast club
coffee
research
shower, do teeth, lady thingies
take room mate to doctor
hardware store (favorite place)
travers traffic through town
drop room mate off at work
traverse traffic out of town
hospital for me to have plasma, red cells and platellets
drive home
coffee
make something to eat
tea
see client 1
visit friend in hospital
see client 2
tea
research
update projects
legal matters and social workers
stops and appreciates the garden before
visit friend in other hospital - monley punk should not work power tools (garage door - haha)
tea
prepare doggies dinner
feed fish
let houseboy go home after days work
feed doggies
navigate through traffic
fetch room mate
navigate through town traffic home
stop of at 1st shop - not what needed
go to second shop and just get goodies
drop room mate off at home
attend a meeting
visit friend in hospital
get home and tea
make dinner (22h45)
prepare snack platter for tomorrow
taste snack platter
eat dinner
research
work on project delivery
complete publishers deadline
do some private e-mails and face book
research - bright ideas
tries to go sleep
reads the whole book on butterflies
two hours sleep

(their was shite loads of driving all over the show)

and into today ...
do some washing
coffee
breakfast club
coffee
clients work
research
then some personal time for me on me things
and now more coffee
research
and project
maybe a little more breakfast club
;O)
Don't see today been any different than yesterday - phew

AND I CAN NOT SPELL< needs more coffee

Seesaw

2009-04-04T06:41:00.003+02:00

–noun

1.	a recreation in which two children alternately ride up and down while seated at opposite ends of a plank balanced at the middle.

2.	a plank or apparatus for this recreation.

3.	an up-and-down or a back-and-forth movement or procedure.

my emotions are been toyed with to no extent, I can not hate this person or be driven to, yet I hate what the are putting me through, thinking they won't hurt me at all.

so I am all up and happy as hell and down and up with this person and then all of a sudden whilst I am up, the person gets off and I crash to the earth and am hurt. So the stupid trusting and forgiving person I am, allows this person to play with me in the playground of life and wham it happens all again.

just this time, i cant get up because the seesaw has toppled over and is laying on top of me and i can no longer play, and no help is near or coming soon.

;(

precipice

2009-04-03T06:05:00.002+02:00

shiesha

it has been such a long time since last i writ, much has occurred and I am extremely concerned as how i shall survive the inevitable.

furthermore the doctors have given me a very short period of time to do things in and I cant help but feel utterly crap in the least.

idiots I have tried to make amends with, has such a fucking large inflated ego, i am choosing not to even bother with, never shall i do things on others terms if it harms, degrades or humiliates me - so sod of you racist imperfect mind mule.

then their is the other whom assumes we should have exclusive relationship and he not even wants one and treats me as if we are in one and still sadly yet again I am single and alone in the dark and scary world.

if all fails use the prosciutto - but do you have one.

doing funeral arrangements and final videos as the end is very close, the pain is so shit unbearable and not knowing how to resolve that as medication not working in the least. and princess's should be locked away in towers and not allowed their hair to grow

all the pets are doing well and the sale f three ponies hurts like crap as does every fiber of my been. half a stomach removed and smiles still emanate

Sporting Garfield Plasters

2009-02-28T05:14:00.004+02:00

Yeah, Chemo is working as well as it can. The cancer is spreading and I am scared shitlessly, no jokes here.

So here are some pics of how much hair has gone bye bye, and my new animated tats on the head. The ones of the wigs to follow soon, as soon as I can figure out how to upload 3gigs of pictures from phone to pc - do not ask, ignorant me misplaced the cable and bought wrong type card reader, so mmm Growls with insane intensity at the inconvenience.

It Was Amazing

2009-02-28T04:51:00.003+02:00

Phew, can not believe how recovering from a drunken stupor that encompassed my sabbatical for two years has been invigorating. This making me capable of been able to be a better friend and be a more responsible person, firstly to my self and then to immediate family (blood relatives not included here), lastly then society.

had a fantastic birthday and blown away at all the friends I had distanced from call and say hello and that they care. or maybe it could be that everyone is excited for the sober party i am throwing. furthermore, some of my wishes came true and others may aspire to so latter in the year, most of all additional things surprised me.

shall post pictures up over weekend, as party only this evening, show of all the gifts and surprises and maybe a little more for all to see ;)

Strange how I have never worn a watch since decades ago. was given a stunning one and in myself centred angered manner - mad that it was after heated argument with friend (do miss him so) and I allowed my anger to get in the way and passed it onto another much needed friend, she loved it too. think the guilt of having something around me from someone that cared so dearly would eat at me to no peaceful end. unexpectedly I got one this year and am proud to wear it knowing that i will have the time on me constantly reminding me that the time left is to be used wisely and not ad lib as before. don't think i still will not be crazy, wacky and over the top, just going to appreciate the good things a little more.

i do miss the smarties, rose garden and the great feeling that sunshine on my back on a cold winters day brought.

Birthday Wish List

2009-02-20T09:24:00.002+02:00

okay besides having brain fluids removed and pressure released - stupid headaches must go far away - i now am slurring and sound like an Igor. yeah an Igor so i can do what they do.

1. A Nice Dinner
2. A Hand Held Food Blitzer Thingy (industrial quality)
3. SD Card Reader
4. Laptop Screen and it to work again better
5. Friends to visit and share good times
6. Some Babalela T-Shirts and
7. New Babalela For ME
8. See my Princess and have her back home with me for ever (oh-parenting)
9. Blessing to Mudita - missing her much - but know she well and happy in peace

not much more, living and meeting new people and sharing good and bad times with fantastic support

i am still around

2009-02-12T09:55:00.002+02:00

or am I, very undecided with all the hindrance and issues occurring around me. stupid swirling yadda yoda everything. another lump, more tests, for christs sacked take the boobs, you already damaged the brain, now the stupid arm pits.

not mentioning mass hair loss and these awesome wigs i am not using so that society can accept me.

maybe just a little maybe once i get the tech to work and all else to make right, then i will be fortunate enough to be able to communicate and share all me pictures and stories/updates of events and all -

breathing with a heavy rasp ...

strangely - i miss having friends too - sad how they are superficial too

do go see and try out this new blogg

2009-01-19T10:50:00.002+02:00

- i can not as yet upload as i am having java issues again and at net cafe so no time to sort this out at all

http://epsilonsd.blogspot.com/

amazed at how my friends have awsome stories to tell all arounf the world

cioa till i have a place and some definate clarity in my life

back off

2009-01-19T10:09:00.003+02:00

i will walk on my own
through my own valley of darkness

i heal myself
and not those that pretend

the lies and facades presented to me
now are all broken and devoid of any purpose

my self value comes from within me
everyday in every way i will get better and better

i leave all behind as i have found myself
and once i have peace - and all can understand then maybe just maybe

I will be accepted for me
and not what others perceive and think about themselves
projected at me

so mote it be by ardane
Enshala Jahier

Insane Deadlines

2008-12-18T17:07:00.007+02:00

where to start, mmm, have we not started ... or has it begun

it was sunday evening - then monday of planing (co-conspirator out of action) and tuesday it began.

a week in a spa or anything of therapy to the body would be great after this; losing 15kg was great but the last three days and more to come - oouccchh - oh well it is a work out after all

and not forgetting the Master had to find a place as he was everywhere beforehand until he could find a place to manage and supervise all the ongoings

the poker table then came back and only hic up was or should i say an icy fridge that went down and up and down the stairs then out far far away .... some pics and then I carry on regardless - or was a not regarded .... mmm - finish work as a zombie and then think some

Whats up Pussycat ....

2008-12-15T20:20:00.005+02:00

so it is not by the wind you shall to find your place or even peace.

no one element controls direction ... --- ...

I travel by the water - and that is guiding me my own way and as far as currents would pull you

So Long And So Long

sighing is another form of breathing, little heavy, but all the same ...

BREATH

oh, fooker - gullibility is a sign of arrogant innocence - or which ever you would like to choose

when you not needed and your time is up - the best is under a very very cold rock and silence, little moonlight and some stars be good.

warmth will one day rise and be, till then adios los vados ...

till then I shall stick deep in a shadows

... ... ...

u hhhhmmm

2008-11-19T20:15:00.001+02:00

so well I am deciding on how blue goes with blue and pink.

'pink is just not a colour, it is an attitude"

mmmwwhhhaaa - pics to follow - i have not enough fingers

Have Your Cake and Eat It

2008-11-17T08:50:00.013+02:00

How did it go? or how has it been going?

pudding then dinner and pudding again

How it first started - well, the way most things start ... tired of shop bought goodies, craving good old fashioned home cooking, fresh ingredients the satisfaction and fulfilment in that you prepared your own food and it was not so hard or take that much time either. Majority of the food stuffs are made for two - unless stated otherwise

Ghostly Pie - What Happens To Pac Man
Make Choux pastry and many different pie fillings
Grease Baking Dish
Cover base and sides of dish with Pastry
Add Fillings once they have cooled
Cover top of Pie
Add a little imagination to accompany the process
Bake at 180°C in pre heated oven for 25 to 30 minutes

Now you know what happened to Pac Man once the ghost got hold of him. He became a very tasty chicken pie ;) yummy

Pancakes - Great for Lunch

Recipe not perfected yet and don't hold well
(Also need to get a non stick pan that does not stick)

Good all the same - will try again

Scones - Any Time Snack

Forgot to take pictures as hands where also so so sticky - will get Sous Chef to take pictures or vice versa next time
They did not even last a full two days and not sure which was the best recipe out of both - shall try again and say which the easiest and best is.

Here after - Each Recipe is done in Duplicate, utilising different recipes including various techniques or variants of ingredients - The Winning one is the recipe I shall post for others to try out.

What I Use When Cooking

The Overseer or Supervisor

The Sous Chef some guest junior chefs too

Inspiration

A Kitchen With All Elements

Roly Poly - A What You Say?

The Competition was on trying two various recipes to find the best one. Judge and choose one

Strawberry & Apricot ----------- Apricot Roly Poly ----------- Strawberry Roly Poly
Roly Poly

Both Rolys with Chocolate ---------Baked Roly Poly ----------- No Sauce
and Mint Ice Cream

The Winner by a MILE would be the roly poly that has its own syrup that makes it more flavoursome with greater taste

Jam Roly Poly - Hit it DJ lets JAM
Serves 4
Prep Time 10min
Cooking Time 30min

Ingredients
1 Cup Flour
2 tsp Baking Powder
Pinch Salt
1 Extra Large Egg
125ml Milk
60g Suet or Butter if you have no Suet
8 tbs Apricot Jam

Syrup
2 Cups Water
1 Cup Sugar

Method
- Pre-heat Oven to 180°C - Bring ingredients to Boil for Syrup - Sift all dry ingredients together in a bowl - Rub butter into flour to resemble bread crumbs - In a cup beat egg and milk mixture - Make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients and pour in the egg mixture - Mix to create a soft dough not a sticky dough - On a well floured surface roll out the dough till 1cm thick - Spread apricot jam onto dough leaving 1cm around the boarders - Roll up the pastry loosely and seal the ends - Pour boiling syrup into baking dish - Place Roly Poly into boiling syrup - Bake at 180°C for 25-30 minutes.

The Piece De Resistance (not the renaissance)

Hot out of the oven, with a little duck on it (From Junior Sous Chef)
-
Generous amounts of Icing Sugar when hot before serving

On the Table and Ready for the bowls and custard - we doubled this recipe to feed eight adults and 2 children. Was easy enough that as the meat was been braaied roly poly was made and in oven as we ate and when finished eating the desert was ready to be served

-

Keep you peepers peeled and I shall paste more recipes as we cook along more. In the great words of Ellen's Gladys "I love Jesus, but I drink a little"

Appathy

2008-11-14T12:51:00.002+02:00

could mean many things or not. In complete disharmonious sub-cultured delusion is the web of webs unspun. The realisation that all is not really what it seems or as it is portrayed.

patience and breathing helps move time forward, no dilly dadling. a game of tetras begins yet this is another form relating to a session of go, hedging with a twist of owari and checkers ... ... not excluding battle ships and including snap - sprinkled with a touch of majong and a dash of dominoes and a little sploge of scrabble and a good dolop of reversi

or not

mmm ... ... ... can not wait for weekend to be here and then back to hovel and the cool quiet of the shade

CANcer

2008-11-09T13:52:00.001+02:00

a wee verse to bring some sunshine into gloomy dark days (its still wet and raining); surprising how creative you can become when all is amiss

I CAN do the CAN CAN,
CAN you do the CAN CAN
We all CAN CAN if you CAN

We CAN get shaved as CAN CANs
CAN you drink coffee from a CAN CAN
I CAN do these CAN CANs if you CAN

I CAN make a CAN CAN
CAN you make a CAN CAN
We all CAN make a CAN CAN smile

CAN you

oh dear Neo

2008-10-18T13:15:00.002+02:00

we took all the tablets (even the written ones) - are we going to have an Alice in Wonderland Experience - as your Matrix no longer exists

forget about multi-tabling multi-siting is another few warp zones for the mind; so you should join and play the Ultimate Matrix (no dominatrices yet) so try it out as I find it some amazing entertainment try it out - http://www.fulltiltpoker.com/matrix-tournaments

the world as we known it has brought us nigh of everything - still waiting on waiting lists of waiting list of more waiting lists - publishing on hold as other more pertinent issues need resolution

a rose is a rose should it be called a rose

2008-09-30T22:32:00.005+02:00

and spring sprung a spun

... tongue cut off more than saying nothing when you have a whole tongue ...

to do things in peace; harmony and grace ... much grace and dignity...

http://www.wordsmith.org/

MY names come up with this ... Nymph A Cabbed Geekier Rhythm Loll Loop Slow - and some more if not more

... http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=michelle+abby-normal+goldsworthy-koppehel&language=english&t=0&d=&include=nymph&exclude=&n=&m=&source=adv&a=n&l=n&q=n&k=1

or just a surname - Word Ghostly ... http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=goldsworthy&language=english&t=0&d=&include=&exclude=&n=&m=&source=adv&a=n&l=n&q=n&k=1

okies, so here some pics of what that just brings me a smile and giggle - The sweets of a bread stick

go watch ellen she my idol http://ellen.warnerbros.com/

Adios Good Bye And Thank Gawd For All The Fish

2008-09-28T12:42:00.002+02:00

Not much left to say besides sounding like a broken record ...

Observe
Be Aware
Do Not Judge

...

My House Rules Simmilar (it is my temple and body)

Truth
Respect
Love

...

The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from From London to Land's End by Daniel Defoe:

Norman kings were done by Bishop Fox; and the fine throne for the bishop in the choir was given by Bishop Mew in his lifetime; and it was well it was for if he had ordered it by will, there is reason to believe it had never been done--that reverend prelate, notwithstanding he enjoyed so rich a bishopric, scarce leaving money enough behind him to pay for his coffin.

There are a great many persons of rank buried in this church, besides the Saxon kings mentioned above, and besides several of the most eminent bishops of the See. Just under the altar lies a son of William the Conqueror, without any monument; and behind the altar, under a very fine and venerable monument, lies the famous http://www.facade.com/stichomancy/

taken the wrong way - knowing more - just tired of been tired. doing your best and getting toffees at the end of the day - could I rather have hard sweets ;)

I am done - toasted, ping; Ala Carte - I lay my head to rest in a bed of roses - the thorns are allotted to scratch away all untruths and misconceptions

even if my enemy required assistance ... humph ... put your opinions aside and help; should you have a glee in their demise it is partly your responsibility as - only to celebrate declares you as been a part of the ations to take a means down

I can't remember the sunshine - as it burns my skin (dumb sun blisters)- yet, I have a rainbow guiding me through. AbbyNormal MAGK

I look a wreck so no new picks

Dom Di Dom Dom Dooom

2008-09-18T18:33:00.007+02:00

Yet my breakfast rice cripsies need too shoosha

then a great lunch at overflow that is now Ossobuco (greenside where I smashed friends car ...mmm)

The My new Cocktails
One can you get it One shot glass of four quartz
pimms
jaggermiester
Southerncomfort
and a
Zabucca Black

Now That Is a Cyke31; not even behind the bar for that one hehehe lolo

and then some pics of today - hehehe; lolo I am joining the dots again

GROG

2008-09-13T10:41:00.004+02:00

eisha ... not much to say at moment besdies

what has been shown to me is more real than others can say; I break while others do things to themselves and more over I dislike been the part to show a mirror to those whom think they are fairer than all others

my heart hangs heavy; for many things ... --- ... first most is the shame others do not take there own responsibilities for thing done and actions taken - blame is easier if you put your monkey on someone elses back - why not rather carry your own gorrila cause you give me your troubles

remindsme of when i was a child and fishing. opening the can of worms you bought to go on the end of a line - well - I never fished cause you opened the can and i was chasing to catch all the worms - thought nothing of it untill I learnt to rather put the worms back into the soil, so fishing well I am not one

ta to Cholla for the challenge - would like to say family yet -my own blood runs too thin; and those friends that their enshalla ... prefer you to anything and fight tooth and nails for you too ... who thought trying thing again is rembering them even if you have to call a friend for a simple basic recipie ... doh

back to writing the books or what pics do say ... hehe, why not I got to speak to a cloudy princess and felt how she beamed once a solution could be provided

so here some pics and I wear my printed T's given to me with pride or shock to others ... lolo

kudoes

2008-09-07T14:32:00.002+02:00

told by - my privledge to tell you the owner says 'it is the new roll pannels for a car"

I am tired of what is mine been taken away ... --- ...

because just because i can

opola - enshalla jahiere

priceless

2008-09-07T13:19:00.003+02:00

yes I am intense way loads of insane

some things can not be said with out a picture

and I cant help meself cause it is so so funny - i am not smiling with a secondary smile

ummm duditss

2008-09-05T21:38:00.003+02:00

so todayy went a bit like this

...

and i lost the magic marker and had to find another - my sides ache i can't help laugh

my balls on my chest and i need to wear a bra ..blah blah blah

spring sprung

2008-09-03T11:02:00.005+02:00

after some strange reason the universe of all technology decided that their systems all required to be updated at the same time

so that was that with the bandwidth on top of research projects streaming and and needing the updates before i can continue to work

now about some updates - do ensure they are compatible to your operating system (don't believe them; research the success first of the update before you try them out ... thus some delays in my working schedule)

as some updates have now made the programmes ineptly operational - I opted for seeking a better solution, should the universe of all technology had something better to offer - low and behold it has

Google Chrome - at least i can chat and do better mails. Impressed thus far and happy with the ease of interface try it out http://news.google.co.za/news?hl=en&rlz=1C1CHMG_enZA291&q=chrome&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=news_group&resnum=1&ct=title

Whoop - okay now back to work after been all dressed up and no where to go sporting a newer shade of purple - most i do for self as a lady now days; lolo

girls nite in

2008-08-21T11:47:00.002+02:00

strange flushes

2008-08-13T19:33:00.004+02:00

this is how it has been going

could not ask for better ;)

more up Above from below

2008-07-12T06:02:00.008+02:00

no i am not bellowing

From Bellow to Up Abov

2008-07-11T16:37:00.005+02:00

How to be a Punk

2008-07-11T10:28:00.005+02:00

you can get a punk style in Sea Point South Africa by Steve at Cutting It Fine

careless

2008-06-08T14:10:00.002+02:00

it is morally unjust at how others are too quick to voice their own opinions regarding anything; yet fail to take the responsibility to those actions especially when harming others

i do not even have the energy or strength to keep up with the accusations, it is so saddening that from been an extrovert - i now suffer from agoraphobia ... how ironic; unfortunately due to people interfering and been so freeking opinionated; i choose not to have anything to do with them or their associates. it is an atrocity that innocent people are been hurt throughout this

"be aware, observe and do no harm"

2008-05-28T23:49:00.000+02:00

Ouch

2008-05-05T10:46:00.003+02:00

it happened some where between the 25th and 26th of april

i just don't remember anything- i do know i will not be entering any beauty pagents soon

airbags did not deploy - something strange happened to the gear leaver ... just going to breath

medication

2008-04-20T15:51:00.002+02:00

none of us like it; yet I always think of Julie Andrews singing a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go round - besides each child getting a different colour of medicine out of the same bottle

.. ... shite - i just lost my train of thought with the movie sound of music - forage forage forage; wait ... wait not sound of music - it is mary poppins

oh fook all of this ;) I am going to clean my cave out and then hibernate - or fly with the birds ...

was medication meant to be meditation you ask ... only i will know ;)

Keirsey Temperament Website

2008-03-18T10:27:00.003+02:00

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right -- for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

a blond day at poker

2008-02-10T13:30:00.000+02:00

you can pay money and not make money

lucky

2008-02-06T18:59:00.000+02:00

or demanding ...

they small when born and grow so quickly ...

owiee can i call it passed me by ---

opposites

2008-01-27T14:08:00.000+02:00

those things that are different or even that it relates to yin and yang

or as been as a vibrant light - now turned into a duller radiance this brings on a complete tiredness

how low can you go [guy is in court for vivisection and the judge asks him how low can you go
..pause ... he responds Chihuahua]

so then if there is one opposite reaction then their is another positive reaction; the same applies to cause and effect ... the discerning part of it all is how you can have the opposite effect on the reflective effect projected at any given time -

- not react like a nucleus with a molecular structure into a corner as its atoms will react and
then change its own structure to (mmmm) thought been powerful enough to metamorphose (the effects of remembering - yet singular organisms share one brain; study ants but they are multi and run by one) and affect on an amoeba just by its contact/interaction is enough to change its caused effect - just as salmon genetically know that there is great life loss when spawning yet they have to continue the magnetic force fields of migration and breed in the same place just as birds do each year ... strange how they are opposites and yet follow the same patterns of breading and that fails back down to simple survival - or is it a need for greater consciousness or more simplicity [presumably the latter is another discussion it seems to veer my thought yet defines it
needs to refine itself more]

do you do something or do you leave it alone to run its path ... or how could you affect something without affecting the entirety of its greatness/entity - direction of purpose ... not even without affecting your own. The listeners need to be listened too and the talkers need not to talk

every interaction has an equal action - yet if these where tied up to other trace elements that are or is why the eco evolution has come so far around; we cannot over look science, religion,
biology, geography, e.g. and every other subject. Knowing the biases of certain criteria is easily
malleable to other areas of discernment ... just it is how long you take to get your head around it
all will help define your survival or not - how constantly aware do you have to be?

old dogs can learn new tricks just as Cancer can be beaten; miracles do happen - as technology,
plains, trains and automobiles have and much much more have advanced into a dependable society; why not light a candle and read a book - open the curtains too - ... --- ... --- . Don’t forget

what you have learnt or are learning or learn form people. it equates to those wow moments.

Peace, health and happiness; love, wealth and prosperity

i hate repetituon

2007-12-18T19:22:00.000+02:00

it is sore and more sore so i stop complaining

i still can .. rather

no you all that don't have ... los my uit :)

yes i had what i want - tempura fillet with plum marmalade - how many chiefs can cook that - still love blankies and fego makes the cappuccino

mmm ... i going to get made up again go away

moron you and i am not girl scouts ... bugger off

my fingers sore

2007-12-18T14:41:00.000+02:00

and again bruised with callouses

drunken master then crouching tiger with a little beetle

http://www.pizdaus.com/pics/Wn5NzqGGzPTf.jpg

negotiate deals and be yourself ;)

and i broke me bum again and i cant teach to well ;)the latter is a joke - festive traditions

Wisdom is meaningless until your own experience has given it meaning ... and there is wisdom in the selection of wisdom (stupid tildoe) - Bergen Evans

the best medicine

2007-12-10T17:43:00.000+02:00

laughter ;) roflmaostc - rolling on the floor laughing my ass off scaring the cat

not really he on his couch and happy - how do i smuggle a seagull in for him ... just another bird - arrgh next time i take him down on a leash if the truth permits it ...

it was an extremely special trip; the days we lazed around after arriving from a turbulent flight was good. relaxed and then began seeing "family" and was very good humbling in many ways after many months of being a hermit and the lab rat experience ... nah it better when you can laugh and have unconditional love without any hindrance

people who can not park after fith attempt; been locked out of a room cause the wind blows; yet a couple of hours later you can get back into your room, roflmao ... best cappuccino's ever from fego, and making sure my roller blades kept up with the train after we had breakfast. not to mention the best means watching a blader rollering down the road as a means of transport

a car guard telling his life story as taking us 3km walking to the late night chemist .. his name was Patrick ... yes, atone point after turning another corner i or it did cross my mind that we may be leading into a trap .. not it was all good - Pat i invite you to any next poker game , lolo

as the frogs are in full bloom the casino is ringing in my ear as much as the christmas nativity songs do - subliminal advertising or advertising

pi·ña co·la·da and cookie co-la-da (non-alcoholic) - just with a view after a lazy leopard lounging ...

proud and now ready to take another province on ...yes after i return back to hematite yet tis the season to be jolly follola la la la LA

speacheless

2007-11-28T18:05:00.000+02:00

....

thansk you

2007-11-22T11:39:00.000+02:00

it been long and hard times - so here i go -

i been brave; over exerted self cause i should not be doing anything more than told to - but who listens

great full for princess

just have a wake for me and cremation is the day of order - ashes where you fill fit - not expecting anyone to do what i did but do want ya to have good time

holdingout for princess then i have to let go of everything go away

i dont drive for the safety of others

insane

2007-11-22T07:35:00.000+02:00

yeah i can modulate - my last lifetime i was a lab rat

the amount of blood taken - oh you now anemic; no kidding stop supplying your bank with me

i appreciate the concern - sadly i don't have a family - i do have an adoptive family whom i love to bits and great friends whom care

so excited to see my princess and then i back to hospital; bugger

hermit Kermit

boa

2007-11-21T20:21:00.000+02:00

is it a constrictor or full of feathers?

i scare me self - okies dokies or as i always say FINE

i found out

2007-11-18T11:54:00.000+02:00

i am passive aggressive - reactionary

i respond and am in such a bad mood even bathed the cat - now that funny he also in a bad mood

just don't want anyone seeing me deteriorate as much as i have - i have to wait for TEST ON A TEST - oh and no surprise more different medication

give me a wheelchair and let me loose more friends - and i have found some - i am scared and alone i love my babalela

well done princess mum could be no more prouder

umm

2007-11-18T08:12:00.000+02:00

i say nothing an more and i get called a freak...

hate that when i was infamous the family stole from me ...
other hissy fit
now everyone huddled cuddly ...

have and so what i been there to often - i give him tea and cookies

you my family or you not - make a choose cause a cup of coffee does not cover it

jesusu with out my existence you all will swarm - just give back shared what i have been lambasted with ..
ose grave accusations - piss off and be righteous on yourself
most i detest is that i have helped those in need and paid them well ans sadly i kicked in face - for once i using money on me then -i have to deal with that -

...

how about another slap in my face

no more surprises

2007-11-17T17:26:00.000+02:00

thank you - i am a hermit and retracts away - curls into a ball or recoils

good to see the family (no my own think i am a freak and i now am the black sheep of the family) those that adopted me

so many little boxes springing up and it makes me sing with anger and disagreement - little boxes on the hillside their are yellow one and green ones - now do the colour chart ...

funny been at a table and the only other five say yes DR should sedate you for ten days - now i feel like a spare wheel uncovered and less of a land drover

it is always good to have a horse

so i am passive or aggressive deal with it that is who i am - speak to me and not behind my back - what must i do if four number have been stolen from me; my new number i can remember and it so kewl - networks buying out numbers

... who sells who and whom owns what ...

between july and september

2007-11-16T17:01:00.000+02:00

well hell i conducted something and now i am been treatred for -i cant count any more - ...

..friends will be honest with true friends but yet those that hide and decive are the worst - i am just lazy to go to the doctor and three days later no one find a vein - nah they scared the behibigibies out of them so the say i here but gone

worst is your children are not succesful for what you give them; they do it own there own ...

okay i go rather party than tackle to each - or the wildernesss can create the quiet ....

so mad i got told not to travel anymore; each have their own - yet it my time to give up the hermit - then this last trip my final one
ther than snake\
stupid fook law my feet up and i do not wangt lixard - far to many people polite and neverdigress lizaed as a meal sanke ...

amarula

2007-11-13T21:36:00.001+02:00

drunk elephants

i am realy realy scared

2007-11-13T17:48:00.000+02:00

my doctor calling me

i am scared - love my teddy but i am scared

eleven years ago he birthed me daughter

he is called warren vickers

i still scared my monkey punk is my teddy i take to hospital each time

my teddy is famous

2007-11-11T21:32:00.000+02:00

i asked how you spell then told like a mouse carbouse

then told i can have a place but here it is he is famous

http://www.news24.com/Rapport/Perspektief/0,,752-810_2217623,00.html

and i going to bed cause the sleeping pills whack me a day later and i not sure of a thing or is it bling

nah just treatment okay and waiting on a transplant - fook i been waiting a while - jessica doing well such a sweet child

and i can finish a hole one they made in icing sugar - bugger - feeding cats to lions and housemates ...

unapproachable -

2007-10-28T12:42:00.000+02:00

i am rather the chameleon
...or the kimono in the komodo in the

monkey punks

;)

are you smarter

2007-10-21T16:30:00.000+02:00

star wars death march

then not blue eyes and rather chat to gina

i count my fingers and toes then i can add up

where those chips come from ...

...sa been in poker highlights since 2004

the blond is cheaper not if she is dyed

cheerful

2007-10-16T17:12:00.000+02:00

treatment going well - just heleva painful at times
but a girls gotto do what a girls gotto do; i just have to wait on a list

and i can not hold out to get to the cape ;) again

smiles

2007-10-04T04:38:00.000+02:00

yeah that all i do to be brave

dialysis and surgery so i cant travel till 2008 or even if i could there after ... hahaha i do a few weeks after surgery - may rather visit friends

... i leave a sanctuary and tread the brave world ;)

the court cases carry on ... yet i have a right to fight for my own identity - i have no need of an alias and i have had to side under one because of you - even if you have a criminal record

just stop hurting me - i can only handle so much and then no more ... please i want my own life with my unique identifying number - they wont let me into Germany cause of you fooking monkey punk - i am scared and want my life back and have a right to travel freely with my midget

saw myself in the mirror and i not looking good - please go away and please leave me alone - you lied you loved me and i am used to been lied too about love; so back off now please; i may not have a mum yet i do have caring siblings .. which shocks me too yet at least they care now

all i want to see is the sun rise and then set a couple of times again before i go ;) - some pina-colades on the beach and many smiles ;)

the next one to get itchy fingers i gonna go gehad on them - tired of me things taken away

weekends of smiles

2007-09-24T18:00:00.000+02:00

was a hectic drive there - thank heavens in a convoy or arrival would have been 2020; thanks to the family for making me feel welcome ;) - not forgetting the ... pink truck over the bridge

late dinner; settle and bed ;) early up and many walks [for me] - pity no rain cause pond was completely dry at boma not boa - boma - some blue cocktails at the bar then back to lodge - oohhh others awake - reptile park and I owe mainly one cause surely Lancelot got a bigger fright than i did - fooker - the hibbie gibbies; my skin crawls as i think of it - nice to see crocks active after pretending the statues (bigger enclosure please - sad thing of animals in captivity)

soo much meat - not mentioning the meat on animals in game farm - the food we ate (did have salads and healthy goodies); and these deathly stairs that loomed over me - some how i became religious this weekend not only for me yet for all who traversed these stairs which are so similar to k9 - straight up - everest is at least a steady gradient - up and down i went the day i had heat stroke and hypothermia at once - yes they plug the big pool into a freezer; the temperature will refresh you and give you brain freeze - eat an ice cream and feel your brain ache

the drive was quickest for reasons; yet we saw - rooibok, ostriches then kudu, an garafink, some silver back jackals, spring buck some buffalo, rhino, trees, grass and not to forget the ostralo, cant remeber rest of names - home and food again after more cocktails

ever taken a sleeping tablet and ended up staying awake whole night ... well it ain't any fun at all

games with silver balls, charades and poker ... - besides entertaining children; and then we all had to come home ;) - another long drive with convoy and not to forget the other pink truck seen on return

sides aching from so much laughter at everything that was funny ;)

strangly i am left with :-
plain white's; hey there delilah
fergie; big girls dont cry
tracey thorn; raise the roof

not sure where i stand or sure what to do any more ...
cause if i stay - i will always have a thorn in my side - if i depart, then i loose all i ever knew or what i thought i knew

oh man

2007-09-16T15:55:00.000+02:00

duckies go round - now its placed with rubber - images flood my brain - wait wait - true i think it may be a once off bath with lions - not - yet like tigers do

the cheshire cat and rain rain rain - i do still pray for snow; not sleet

and the answer is ...

2007-09-11T11:35:00.001+02:00

... berate
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/berate

and the moon set over the silver stars

plastic surgery - new identity and different continent - the boogie man will still haunt you - nah

laughing

2007-09-04T19:47:00.000+02:00

rofl - girls where watching me laugh - pardon- i do not play sports to win any more - yet i do just for fun nowdays

oh my gosh i scream like a girl for a small squash ball - golf on firday - and many more games after - jeepers i said yes to jumping out of a plain again - 400 jumps later can i retire - nooit - those nite ones the best

yeah okay - i dedicate myself to sport and men say a good body - take the lead and follow to be upfront - nah - i am to be own boss and new business ;) or same old

fly

2007-09-02T18:27:00.000+02:00

after the day i have had he should have not goaded me

the police officer was laughing when he took the report down

-pardon i did smack him with my left hand; now my right itchy

six kilometers later with out shoes and feet bleeding I am not nice even nicer after icecaps

sheless says jesus

2007-09-02T12:00:00.000+02:00

okay i do have sport shoes - one for hiking an golf and now ones for squash - omg (late birthday present and wow they they so kewl ;)

mens shoes more expensive than womans - yes - i never wear them but fook - was funny when i gave sales rep a mans shoe and said one like that size and one for me too please - negotiated loads and left house and back after filling vehicle - in 40 minutes - now can a girl shop or what

next week gym - another debacle all together - does my instructor knows what they agreed too ;) - oh dear another impulsive obsessive thing - nah shifted happy i am been sporty again and i smile more - honestly i am not nice on the court or who is nice these games are to win and too laughingbetween - omg - i look scarier in morning wif me hair yeah it so short after i cut it - yet the day brake scares me morning sun rise - nah eerie in the gardens today ;) doggies and cats that love each other or are harmonious - oh never mind i write more ;)

long long time ago ...

2007-09-02T07:35:00.000+02:00

... only last week friday

nah - happy spring as me tiger is wet - gosh tigers like baths and water ;)

soon a farm with emu and impala - even though i wana free the emu and let him mate with the ostriches on the neighboring farm (I wont - it is just sad when it is mating season)

Happy Spring Day

2007-09-01T12:09:00.000+02:00

it's the first of the month and a pinch and a punch (not to fret - old family tradition like left foot outta bed on easter sunday or you wont find the most eggs - that one worked)

oh gosh contractual work is the pits - more months of late payments and i am trying to be nice - so next month interest charged for investments, policies and forgiven contracts - once this done back to normal, pay upfront and then i shall do the work - this extended time delay hectic; not inspired to work as i have not received even 50% of payment yet and 70 % of work done - grrr

yeah - i am still living outta bags and feel as a bag lady - arranged a farm house to rent for next year so mini-me and i can have space and i expect every one to visit ;) yes often

oohh - before i forget - it may come across you in conversations with my presence to make me blush and not stop laughing "it is not water-world it is watered-down" - many apologies ;) [my ass is kicked out but my body can stay-strange and only partial madness at my unruly behavior] - it was funny though and i could not contain myself any longer and told you the truth; you can not discern a deserving pallet
- LiquidO; Narcotics - ;) have a great summer; mine has begun with giggles - and what was done was done - i remember to only make myself a better person to all - sometimes jealous and hate been possessed (what a contradiction) - oh that another chapter in space man spliff (wrote three pages - wow much more than paragraph a day of another day ;)

amitovo - enshala jahere - walicom salam

I had traversed a partial humiture and was awakened to another form of conscious Metaphysical Sciences i.e. Kerala school of astronomy and mathematics

and to some my Buddhism is an escapism to others my next step in learning - accept all - remember to Observe, Be-Aware and Do Not Judge, that was this years teachings for self - hard and amenable - to be with out regret ;) i may not be a pure buddhist yet i do first protect my offspring and then family - religion; what a joke as we all have all different aspects; yes we have American Faith Missionaries, Muslims; Jews; Japanese; Hindu; Catholics -both sides; Buddhists ; Christians; New Age Scientists ; Jehovah Wittinesses ... and so much more ... ... yet when we family religion is no difference for nine children and we are a family ;) that I respect none of our religious views cause issues we just connected and that some time it hurts - love you all even if i a mook at times - heya youngest you try protect as do i you ;) - we family - i consider more than i act ;) ~ if you win then maybe shall I

love ya all and watch the blossom bloom - the magnolias have so shall the jacarandas and then every blossom blooms - to tell the time with out an era - i want to be free as a butterfly and stop - oooo - get rid of that sign - ...set people free or our interjection if it was permanent - kinda something without morphine (WHICH SADLY I AM ALLERGIC TOO) ...

... to float on a wind and be breezed about - you can be free if you take a stance - never means disrespect yet you ashamed for been assertive and creating such big waves - a tidal wave could be what is forming ; soon broken down or made into more ... only the rhythms can play us to the rate of a heart beat

:o)

htch - make my hair passed a prickle an bramble bush and be bare the byre of tuck and under forest tuck ... your call

- i think my mind wonders and shall be stiled :)

STUPID MUST LEAVE

2007-08-30T22:19:00.000+02:00

STUPID HAS TO TAKE HER BROTHERS OFFER

ALL I HAVE LEFT AND ONLY I HAVE MY BROTHERS OFFER

..the one i have is not optional even ...

pardon i found the caps lock and it is still the same just more bodies around me ....

at least he did not kill me and now i take my vengeance - the only vengeance i know is to save and keep my midget safe

...

come onn - i will be a circus freak - yet my darling is a hero and i wont let her be begotten as i was - or have been behanled ... -shit - i aged and am dying sooner - just know your mum loved you and your dad a good man; do not let anything stand in your way of the love - gran may have been a part(pain)|; it was just cause she loved you - and i do too ;)

what i love does not love me and i have true love wanting to take me away - i am too tired and old too move - do not work the families work it will kill you young too young - i will bear whatever cross as long as you are free - please leave them alone - even those you took from me - even if they don't publish the book - go read the book i had in print - two others where printed - i am ashed cause how could i give copies of adult literature to my family - no one is proud - i still a year later in publication wish i had a well done - oh gawd this i trying other littary efforts out

besides miss T i wish someone just wanted to take care of me - i could never ask miss T cause i am miss M and her Mum so i have to make the best for her now mater what happens to me so be it so

if a life was any let it be so she has a gorgeous destiny ahead of her - i ca afford her that what i was lefts and for her families sins never to follow her again - they die with me or published - as an artist - writers receive less acclaim than artists - ;)

oh - i am learing

2007-08-30T18:29:00.000+02:00

old frankie puts me to bed any time so which song

is it blue yes or final curtain ;)

the frigging facebook too well what the heck to then ... mmm i got enough to do ;)

so i am back into tracing and coding ;)
till i find me end again ;)
and yours is?

once it loved me

2007-08-30T17:51:00.000+02:00

oh 0 i fell in love
i did once and it was taken away - i did again - I just can not anymore
I do Love so much ND - IT IS ALL TAKEN AWAY CASUE yOU SAY THEY PAIN
no - no no - no - no - no-
i may sing my song one day so till then i sh
at be a hermit
No man was bad yet every one i met has been as bad as poison and so mad mad you a fag ....
even if they where bad and defiled me ....
gosh i now am on a path of - i ha it and he loves someone else - so i be a spinster
....
i love you LL - i WANTED IS LOVE - TO TALK IT OVER I AM THE SORRY YOU LIVE ;)

bye be good i shall try ;)

discretion

2007-08-27T08:26:00.000+02:00

you wear two hat - you so kewl

- i am only michaeline - my pallet enjoys the tastes and fusion - at the moment i am a hermit and parry to and i hide well

i am always tee stud= end - to cook i learns to protect - I wont challenge a chef

thine traditions are better than fasted food ;p

oh dear - lets sea sea

cathartic

2007-08-26T11:42:00.000+02:00

yeah - it has been much of that lately- i may not be understood and understand as i continue to write it out

i am going for a job interview this week coming - strange yet alluring as my brothers want me to come home - the latter is not my tarry as each i have known is broken

you know what - If i love it my life is part of it :)

and i am trying of software that does not work and has to be hacked every time over and over - gggrrrr

time out

2007-08-21T08:48:00.000+02:00

to take time out for ones self is very important, maybe i have to much time as a hermit

even if i ask for advice - it is only an opinion the decision is mine

all i ever wanted and so have other humans to do so is to have respect and unconditional love

i only lash out when those things dear me are harmed; even those dear to me tried harming

so it shall be time to continue that sabbatical

...

wizzard of oz

2007-08-16T06:39:00.000+02:00

please give her a heart

and all those other mean woman out there - i cant take it any longer

i clicked my heels and not home but given a home and taken care of; maybe it hurts so cause i said it ends here - sorry mom i know granny died - but you have no right to take your crap out on me and even if you never speak to me or the rest of us again - we are your children you had us and i will not let you steal mine to try make your life better - she can visit you - and how dare you abandon her as you did me - i call it quits - dont use her cause you mad at us - even bother says you mean and wants her with me rather than you - do you even know

what do you think you breed - we all just want unconditional love and i can give that to my family - i love you even though i dont receive it back or even conditioned - its not that i want it back yet i will love you cause i know how too

big girls do not cry then why am i a bag of tears - so personal